At the end of the year, I….

…I want more of Jesus.

Really, if I were smart, I’d stop right here. This blog would be done. Because that says it all. I want more of Jesus. Hungry and thirsty for him.  For the life he gives and the love he offers and the way he leads.  Jesus. That’s it.

But, because I’m not that smart (and one line doesn’t make for a good blog and so no one would retweet it), let me continue for just a minute more.

2014 was a year of ups and downs. Honestly, mostly ups.  A pretty good year  all in all. Good family stuff. Good personal stuff. Good God stuff.  Great trips, a new book on the way and lots of fun speaking with wonderful friends. But have you ever noticed that no amount of “good stuff” really fills the void deep down inside?

I can ignore the void – and do quite often. I keep busy. Allow the kudos of people to wrap me in the warm salve of praise; but if I stop and listen and sit silently, I feel it. The ache deep down. A lonely pain that begs to be filled with the One who can heal.

When I get over-busy (which I easily do), I feel better for a time. I like feeling needed.  I love it when someone asks me to speak – any where for any reason.  It reminds me that others want me around.  That I have something important to say – otherwise, they wouldn’t ask.  I hate to admit it, but there’s a part of me that sees someone’s financial gift as a validation of my life and purpose. They are supposed to be giving to God (and I think most are) but I can easily make it feel like it’s a gift to me. For me.  Sick, isn’t it?

And the only thing, the only One, who can heal my brokenness and restore my motivations and sense of wholeness, is Jesus.  Sitting with him. Listening to him. Reading the scriptures which point to him.  Thinking about him.  Maybe just doing nothing with him.  He fixes me!

I go to him because I enjoy his company. I spend time with him because he’s fun, interesting, exciting, confusing, adventurous – and…he sets me right.

If there’s any way you could help me in this new year to remember this – remember Jesus – I’d be grateful. I know I’m always talking about him and writing about him, so it’s sort of embarrassing to say I forget him – but I do.  So please remind me.

Can I make a New Year’s resolution for you? On your behalf?  I want yours to be this – keep reminding Carl (in creative ways) to not forget Jesus.

And….Happy New Year.